According to Psychology Today (2014), “Empathy is the experience of understanding another person’s condition from their perspective.” So what happens? We can be guilty of doing the exact opposite. Someone may tell us their story and we can be quick to give a remedy or solution to their pain. We think that we are helping and yet no one even asked us for an opinion. One of my absolute favorites is when we measure someone else’s pain and compare it to our own in order to determine if the emotion behind their turmoil is dramatic. Someone may vaguely say, “I feel horrible about my dog.” Then we respond with, “You’ll be fine” or silently think, “It’s just a dog.” Sometimes we can give the “super spiritual” response, “The Lord gave you the dog for that season of life. So let’s praise Him for that.” The person didn’t even mention what happened to the dog. We just assume.
But your pain is not my pain and my pain is not yours. No matter what I have been through, even if it similar to you, your interpretation of life may be much different than mine. It’s not about who is stronger or who has experienced more pain. It’s about being humble. Romans 12:3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you (NIV)
How Can We Be Helpful?
Be Present: Give the person your undivided attention. Sit with them and express interest with your body language and eye contact.
Say Nothing: Remember that your voice/input/advice giving is not always important. Sometimes people just want someone to listen.
Positive Regard: Accept the person for who they are no matter what is being said.
Ask Questions: Engage the person about their feelings and interpretation. Ask if they want you to give your input.
Romans 12:15-16 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. (NIV)
Accept another person for where they are in this life. Accept yourself for where you are in this life. Your story is yours and my story is mine; but we need each other to follow it through.
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