We Love because …We First Were Rejected

For some of us, Valentine’s Day produced warm and fuzzy feelings and a great excuse to devour chocolate! For others, the day brought bitterness, discontentment and another great excuse to devour chocolate! The idea of love changes depending on who you speak with. But ideal love is hindered by an ever present force called fear.

The moment we are born (the gift), fear is there to greet us. Think about it. We were warm and cozy in our mother’s womb. It is there where we felt protected. When delivery day came, we had our first traumatic experience: rejection. Our security was removed and we had to adjust in a brand new world. How did we deal with the rejection? It depended on our parents and caregivers. How they cared for us and responded to us was the blueprint for how we would view the rest of the world…even God. Little did we know that fear would become the driving force of how we give and receive love. Based on our feelings and life experiences, the way we give and receive love is conditional. Our intentions may be good, but because we are human, our issues and imperfections can affect the way we interact with people or even perceive the motives behind good deeds toward us.

I recently read a small book called, “God’s Remedy for Rejection” by Derek Prince.  He describes three type of people that rejection produces, “the person who gives in [suicide], the person who holds out [defense mechanisms], and the person who fights back [rebellion from Christ altogether]” (Prince, p.43). In my opinion, many of us can identify with “the person who holds out.”   We have learned how to put on different masks like: “I’ve got it all together,” “I am happy,” or we can exaggerate the truth to be more appealing.   The truth is that many of us love based on how we have allowed rejection to impact us. Which do you identify with? Here are some questions to consider: Do I love my spouse because they are the father/mother I never had?  Do I love God because I am “supposed to?”  “Am I only acting this way so my friends will find me interesting?” These questions are asking about our motives behind our “love.” Wrong motives will hinder the full potential of one of the reasons why we were created……to GIVE and to RECEIVE love.

So, how do we combat fear?

1. Know the truth. 1 John 4:19 says, “We love because He first loved us.”  We give love out of an overflowing response to the love we have received and accepted from Him.
2. Stay connected. Find at least 2 people who you admire and help you feel safe to be true self.
3. Serve. Serving takes the focus off of us and onto other people.
4. Forgive.  You can experience a new sense of freedom when you have truly forgiven.
5. Don’t analyze……Just BE                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     *** If you would like to know more on how to flourish in healthy relationships, The DNA of Relationships, by Dr. Gary Smalley, is another great resource.                                                               

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment….” -1 John 4:18 (NIV)

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;  your works are wonderful, I know that full well” -Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

                                                                                   Faith

                                                                                   Empowered to

                                                                                    Assemble

                                                                                    Restoration

Look the Part: From a Child’s Perspective

I have embraced that I am a licensed therapist and a stay at home mom. Being a SAHM has it’s ups and down just like any other job. However, it is very easy for me to let  myself go during the day because I figure “No one else is going to see me.” I then look at my kids and think, “Well… it’s just them.” Usually, I can just stay in my sweat pants and a t-shirt and live comfortably until it’s time for my husband to come home!!! If I am honest, sometimes I will second guess changing my clothes.

This is the way I thought until my 3 year old son made a remarkable observation and changed my life. I had just washed my natural hair and was letting it “air dry.” I was getting my son and daughter ready for nap time when he turned to me, ran his fingers through my hair and said, “Hey mommy. Your hair looks like the poconut [coconut] tree!” And he began to laugh! My initial thought was, “How dare he!” But immediately, reality set in. He was right. Even a 3 year old could see that “looking a mess” is unacceptable. So I immediately took action and made myself presentable.

So what did I learn? I learned that I make more of an effort to “look my best” when others are my motivation; including my husband. A dear friend of mine would always quote, “you dress the way you feel.” So when I don’t feel like it, I dress the way I WANT to feel. I still wear my sweat pants at times, but the way I present myself to myself is different. My lounge clothes need to fit! I put on a scented lotion, gloss (not just chap stick) or a hint of eye shadow. The scents brighten my mood. A dab of make up makes me a little more confident. I am getting to the point where even dwelling on my blessings brings the BEST accessory to anything……a smile!

Peace and Blessings!

What moments have you had that helped your confidence?

The SAD Expectation

The world changes with every second of everyday and as time goes on, we change with it. We become more advanced, more opinionated, liberated and technologically sound. There are changes in how we raise our children, the way we communicate and even plan our lives. However, there are aspects of this world that need to change and yet remain predictable at the same time. Aspects such as time and the flow of one season to the next have consistent movement, yet we depend on them for survival. We plan and expect for things to happen based on time and the change of the seasons. Is it possible to “plan” for the annual, inevitable, and emotional adjustment that occur when the weather changes?

What is SAD?

 Seasonal Affective Disorder is a condition that many people experience annually between the fall and winter months. The symptoms of SAD usually mimic some symptoms of major depressive disorder including weight gain, low energy, hypersomnia, cravings for carbohydrates, etc. This form of depression is experienced based on the decreased amount of sun exposure (Vitamin D) to the body and decreased serotonin levels due to daylight savings. Because day light savings happens every year, is it possible to expect the already expected? Many of us dread seeing “Daylight Savings” on our calendars; usually because we lose an hour of sleep! Is it possible to mark on our calendars for the approximate time when SAD is going to occur and if so is it possible to prepare or even successfully survive?

 SAD is also referred to as the hibernation reaction or season. Winter is a season where everything is forced to move at a slower pace. Attending events and other activities have a slower reaction as to whether we will even attend. I immediately think of the many preparations that a bear makes for hibernation. Closer to the autumn, in order to get ready for their hibernation, they  must eat more, gain a lot of weight and build their shelters in order to stay warm. They adapt and respond to what is expected to happen each year and the process is ongoing throughout the year.  I believe that we can use a similar approach. Spring is almost here! So here is survival kit to use throughout the year to successfully press through the SAD.

The Power of Light

Light is a powerful source and gives us physical and emotional strength. It naturally lifts our mood and gives us energy. Natural light is one of the best remedies. Get out into the sun, play in the snow, or go for a drive. If you are “not an outdoors person,” open the blinds/curtains when you wake. Let the sunshine in. If you work in an environment without access to a window, illuminate your office or workspace with a bright light. Dim lighting (similar to nightfall) signals your body to slow down and get ready to sleep.

Speak Life

In the same way, the power of positive speaking can produce similar effects to the body. Before every word that we speak, there is always a producing thought. Repetitive negative thinking patterns will eventually become habitual beliefs. This means, the more negativity you embrace, the more you will believe the thought. For every negative thought that you have, try replacing it with a positive. Throughout the year, learn to speak positivity into your life and by the time SAD kicks in, you may have a habit of speaking positively. Research has shown that positive thinking will produce a healthier lifestyle and may extend your life span.

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21).   

 

“The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit” (Proverbs 15:4).

You are What You Eat….and Wear?

Yes! The foods that we eat and the clothes that we choose to wear impact our emotional health.

Throughout the year, especially during the SAD months, it is important to eat a variety foods that contain iron, Vitamin D and B’s. Don’t forget to the protein.  Healthy foods like avocado, leafy greens, eggs and fish  will help enhance your chemical levels and provide more energy for you to get through your day. You can decrease feelings of depression, anger and anxiety. Breakfast anyone?

No matter what your profession (lawyer, teacher, homemaker, etc.), get up, get dressed and feel refreshed! Wearing brighter colors and patterns can help enhance our mood as well. Brighter colors send signals to your body that boost your mood and give you more energy. Wearing cool or dark colors have a similar affect to nightfall They can be draining you and make you feel more tired. In addition to your clothes, remember to add accessories, perfume/cologne, and well groomed hair for a boost of confidence!

Exercise and Embrace Positive Relationships

Consistent exercise, regardless of the regiment, will also enhance your mood, and give you a boost of confidence. However, working out in a group is even more beneficial, especially during SAD. Get together and hang out with a group of friends and family. Are you a mom? Perfect! If you have a hard time finding a babysitter, work out with your kids. This creates bonding and the right amount of entertainment to get their bodies tired! Hearing other people cheer your on help you to keep moving forward and motivate you to stay connected.

SAD may be a condition that occurs every year. But that’s just it; the symptoms of this disorder are conditional. Our mood is changed by the conditions of the atmosphere.You have more options and control than you think. There is One factor that is and will always be never changing; Jesus Christ. No matter what we are feeling, He will always remain the same. With His help, you can expect to conquer SAD and live a healthier emotional life.

 “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us” (Romans 8:37).